I’m a Staff Nurse. I am so far ok. But. I am face to face, up close and personal, with this little b*****d C19 virus. It doesn’t even deserve a name. It deserves to be called🖕🏻. Huge middle finger expressed with silence and F**k you with accompanying facial contempt.
Me? I have to……Face them in the eyes. If those little microbe 🖕🏻 get in my throat and eventually down in to my lungs. Then it’s toss a coin time. A doctor once told me that if we bottled our doctors’ and nurses’ immune juices, we’d have an amazing resistance potion. This little 🖕🏻 proves he was maybe wrong about the extent of warfare that lurks in hidden areas which could be considered as Earth’s hell. But then again. In the past, before all this, I’ve been spat at, coughed at, vomited over, sputum in the eye, abscess from a pylonidal sinus wound whacked me in the eye, diarrhoea and vomiting splashed, again in the eye (The left eye. Always the left. Maybe it’s my bad side that I always present towards a camera lens. Why I don’t like my photo taken. It’s results in my squint result!), Oh! And MRSA, C-diff, the majority of Staph bacteria down my throat, handled horrendous wound infections of various nature, like pemphigoid and microbes odour sniffed up my nose (not the Geranium/Clary Sage/Sweet Marjoram essential oil aromatherapy I’m usually fond of) , which seeps through bandages, and the nasty list goes etc, etc, etc,. ad infinitum.
PERSONAL PROTECTIVE EQUIPMENT. PPE. We have poor availability’s. That is simply because of poorly managed Conservative Government decisions. Well. Lack of decisions. I didn’t vote for them. That is my saving grace mentally. There are also the decisions of hierarchical NHS management who are following the inanity of Government decision making, and in their own words spout ‘you will all follow what the advice is’ AND THEN tell us it will be our fault if we succumb to the virus if we are seeking further protective equipment to keep us safer. By further protective equipment? Our communities are trying to make full length sleeves, gowns to cover our uniforms, visors, scrub caps. Scrub caps are not needed. It can’t contaminate your hair. Full length gowns/arm covers are not needed. You can wash your arms. The virus does not cling to scrubs material. You can walk back onto the ward in them…….safely! We wash assiduously every single intervention. After interventions we wash at least 5 times in taking down our thin plastic apron, our fluid only face masks that have gaps around them, and our wrist length rubber gloves.
Present PPE? Not the type we need for this. It’s such a Worldwide known entity now, we all know about sending us in to battle like lambs to slaughter. I may as well shove a feather up my a**e to sweep away their debris. Or. Brush them away with the back of my hand for protective effectiveness. I can’t laugh. I have no emotional capability of smile endorphins left. My hair is getting thinner from emotional stress. My brain has small bullet explosions at night time rest. And I sleep as badly as if I were sleeping in hell. I sweat, I imagine symptoms and I worry for everyone involved in my life.
Look. I am a staff nurse and I will empasise and sympathise with every single patient I nurse. The Covid 19 patients obviously also. It isn’t the patient who is our enemy. It’s the bacterias, viruses and acute and chronic illnesses of this Hellish Earth which are our enemy. Environment entering our beautiful DNA and human divine nature. But. Please remember. It is also poor lifestyle choices which are also our enemy. Like the current ‘well meaning and please, please listen’ advice of social distancing and isolation advice. Do not ignore, beat your chest and think I am invincible. No….you are not. And you are a danger to every other human being. Controlling your own environments is an impossible aim. But it has to be attempted.
But our whole life of decision making? Whether self inflicted. Or inflicted upon us because we cannot escape social placing or social injustices is a difficult endeavour and aim. We are essentially humans with frailty and fragility. Or born with a silver spoon in the mouth. Or…..simply have luck on our sides.
So if this little 🖕🏻shows up……I’m rolling up my sleeves. And if it beats me?
I’ll say ‘F**K YOU 🖕🏻. You didn’t beat me. I’ve left a survived and living family and friends legacy. And they are part of me and they, those beautiful souls, HAVE beaten you’.